Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

President Will Distribute Copies of Mary Trump’s Book at Future MAGA Rallies

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump cannot be all that thrilled...

Emperor Palpatine Defends Attorney General Vader’s Use of Stormtroopers in Portland

CORUSCANT -- As protests mount throughout the galaxy, Emperor Sheev Palpatine...

Poll Indicates Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice

As the election draws closer, there's little doubt that President Donald...

Twitter Will Start Slapping “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Warning on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever,...

Robertson: “If Jesus Died For Your Sins, The Least You Can Do Is Die For Trump’s Economy!”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson hasn't done much to...

Man and Weed Dealer Have Agreement Not to Discuss Politics

LOS BURRITOS MOJADOS, CALIFORNIA -- Every couple of weeks, 40 year...

Ghosts of Elijah Cummings and John Lewis Mistake Jar of Mayonnaise for Marco Rubio

THE GREAT BEYOND -- There was a brief but quite ironically...

DNC Announces First Presidential Debate Between Donald Trump and Chris Wallace

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee has announced the first...

White House Urges Americans to Perform Nightly Under-Bed Antifa Checks

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With so many challenges already facing Americans these...