Ginsburg: “Cancer Can’t Make Me Resign Until It Leaves The White House First”

Published on

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In 2019, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent three weeks of medical treatment for pancreatic cancer. Now, it seems her cancer has returned, according to her recent statement.

MORE: Hannity, Ingraham, Bongino, Hitler Support Feds’ Crackdown on Peaceful Portland Protesters

News of Justice Ginsburg’s renewed fight against cancer has many of her supporters worried that she’ll have to resign her seat on the bench. Doing so would cause one of the biggest political fights of the last century, as it would be in the run-up to a presidential election, and if he wins, President Trump would be given the honor of selecting a third justice, presumably a conservative one that would wipe out one liberal voice on the Supreme Court.

In a moment of extreme candor, however, Justice Ginsburg made it clear under no uncertain terms she would not allow cancer to force her to retire from public service. Reporters happened to find the judge headed to her car with groceries, having finished shopping. They asked her about the chances of fighting cancer pushing her out of the Supreme Court. Ginsburg resolutely and flatly denied that was even a possibility.

“Nah, I’m good. I’m here for the long haul, mothafuckas,” Ginsburg said with her trademark accent. “What’s a little cancer in your life, anyway? I’ve beaten it before, I’ll beat it again.”

Ginsburg told reporters that it is “entirely possible” that she’ll resign from the bench when “they drag [her] lifeless body” out of her chambers.

“There’s no secret to my longevity. I’m just a warrior goddess queen with so much life to live and so many asses to kick I have to be here at least another century or two to get half the work done I’m capable of,” Ginsburg explained.

While she certainly feels the weight of holding one of the four remaining liberal seats on the high court, Ginsburg says she takes “special inspiration” with her to work every day.

“I have a signed picture of Merrick Garland that I keep in my office, it reminds me that I have to keep fighting,” Ginsburg said, “every single day, I have to keep fighting. And here’s the truth — cancer can’t make resign until it leaves the Oval Office first.”

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Justice Ginsburg had a microphone, which she dropped.

MORE: Trump Suggests Adult Film Industry Rename ATMs to “Doing a McEnany”

Like what you read? Consider becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, signing up for my Patreon, or consider dropping a buck or two in my virtual tip jar, via my PayPal.Me account.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity...

Once I Learned to Read, I Realized The Left Actually Can and Does Meme

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump White House official Dustin...

God Told Me Oklahoma Kids Will Be ‘Stupid as Fuck’ After the Bible is Taught in Schools

"...do they really think it covers me in glory to have a bunch of...

Someone Accidentally Sent Me a Copy of The Biden/Trump Debate Questions

Don't ask me how it happened, but it would appear that someone at CNN...