Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Tic Tac Cock Puts Off Banning App TikTok

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A man with a reportedly very small penis...

Fauci Reminds Jim Jordan to Wear a Mask and Socially Distance When Ignoring Sexual Abuse

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During one exchange between Dr. Anthony Fauci and...

Trump: “All The Voices In My Head Agree With Me That The Election Will Be Rigged!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's one of the least well-kept secrets in...

Devin Nunes Questions Founders’ Motives for Not Allowing Presidents to Delay Elections

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Can the President of the United States of...

Satan Regrets Not Jerking Off In Time To Save Herman Cain’s Life

HELL -- Former Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain has died, having...

That Time When Obama Suggested Delaying the Election and Republicans Were All Like, “Cool.”

This morning, shocking absolutely no one really, President Donald Trump --...

Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite

EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A small mountain town nestled...

Dr. Stella Immanuel to Head Up New White House Coronavirus and Demon Sperm Task Force

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has disbanded his first coronavirus...

Trump Demands MySpace Make Him Part of Everyone’s Top 8

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today on the Hill, a House special select...

Poll: Majority of Americans Rooting for COVID-19

The office of Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Crackfiendastan) announced today that he...