Poll: Majority of Americans Rooting for COVID-19

Published on

The office of Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Crackfiendastan) announced today that he has tested positive for the novel coronavirus, or COVID-19.

MORE: Jim Jordan: “Bill Barr Was the Only One With The Courage to Suck Trump Off and Make Him King”

Gohmert is one of the loudest and most outspoken “anti-maskers” in Congress. He’s frequently been photographed and caught on video not wearing a mask while also not maintaining proper social distancing from his colleagues. In fact, just yesterday, Gohmert was seen talking closely with Attorney General William Barr during and after a House Judiciary Committee hearing. Now, word is that Barr himself is getting tested for the virus.

During the hearing yesterday, Rep. Gohmert was one of a handful of Republicans who mocked Chairman Jerry Nadler (D-NJ) when he admonished them to put their masks on when they were not speaking. The issue of whether or not to wear a mask or other facial covering has become a politicized one in America. In other countries, where mask mandates were not met with such stiff resistance, the virus has abated enough to where life has, in general, returned to somewhat normal.

Mr. Gohmert just released a new video addressing his diagnosis, and posted it to Twitter. Interestingly, he does sound like he is congested and fighting an infection of some kind.

Polling company We Poll You So Hard conducted what they’re calling a “blitz poll” this morning on the subject of Gohmert’s positive COVID-19 diagnosis. The results, according to WPH’s Dr. Benson Hornaydieux, are “breathtaking in their conclusivity.” According the poll, 80% of Americans are rooting for COVID, and against Gohmert.

“The results are pretty astonishing, that’s for sure,” Hornaydieux told us in a Skype interview today. “You can’t get Americans to agree that the sky is blue, or that grass is green these days. But eight out of every ten people we talked to said they hoped that COVID won. That’s the kind of consensus you just don’t see in this country these days.”

Mr. Gohmert, during an interview on conservative talk radio station W-KKK told host Chip Chatterly he’s “doing mostly well” but that he’s “convinced Obama put a Sharia COVID hoax hex” on him, and that’s how he got sick.

“All I know is that got the hoax, and that he does hexes. So hair-go, my asparagus has no aspersions, and it’s obvious he did this to me,” Gohmert shouted into the phone, “and if we don’t hurry up and impeach President Obama for giving me his Soros-backed hoax, I’m gonna, well, I’m gonna…spurt and sputter and slap the top of my bald head like Curly from the Three Stooges, and then I’ll figure out what to do next!”

MORE: Barr Tells House There’s No Way Trump Can Contest Election Unless He “Stomps His Feet and Holds His Breath Long Enough”

[mc4wp_form id=”7132″]

Like what you read? Consider becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, signing up for my Patreon, or consider dropping a buck or two in my virtual tip jar, via my PayPal.Me account.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity...

Once I Learned to Read, I Realized The Left Actually Can and Does Meme

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump White House official Dustin...

God Told Me Oklahoma Kids Will Be ‘Stupid as Fuck’ After the Bible is Taught in Schools

"...do they really think it covers me in glory to have a bunch of...

Someone Accidentally Sent Me a Copy of The Biden/Trump Debate Questions

Don't ask me how it happened, but it would appear that someone at CNN...