Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Doctors Unsure Obama’s Foot Can Ever Be Removed From Trump’s Asshole

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Ever since former President Barack Obama spoke last...

Will Joe Biden Replace the Army With AntiFa Mercenaries? This Man Thinks So.

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- There's a new rumor flying around...

Retreating to Familiar Territory, Trump Demands Biden’s Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump, before he was elected to...

Men’s Rights Activist Demands Wife Bake Cake to Celebrate Anniversary of Male Suffrage

DICKHEAD, NEW JERSEY -- Matty Palahmbo is a men's rights activist....

Melania Trump Already Hard at Work Practicing Michelle Obama’s DNC 2020 Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, former First Lady Michelle Obama closed...

Trump Demands Secret Service Arrest Michelle Obama For “Verbally Beating the Living Shit” Out of Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, the most surreal and unprecedented Democratic...

Biden Campaign Worried They Might Not Win the ‘Injects Self With Bleach’ Vote

It was a voting bloc that until this year's election cycle...

She Wants to “Save The Children,” Just Not the Ones in Trump’s Concentration Camps

BLANCA SUPREMA, NEVADA -- 37-year-old mother of three Gwendolyn Howser in...

Palpatine Defends Dismantling Republic Postal Service Less Than Three Months Before Galactic Election

CORUSCANT -- Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is defending this decision to largely...

God Apologizes for His “Sloppy Aim”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway issued an urgent...