Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Mike Pence Explains How Ripping Wombs Out of Immigrant Women is Pro-Life and Not Permanent Abortion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning Vice President High Priest Michael Pence...

Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

FORT PHARDT, INDIANA -- An angry, maksed mob appeared at a...

Barr Suggests Charging People Who Vote for Biden With Sedition

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the history of the United States, very,...

Trump: “All Lives Matter Except in Blue States”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret that President Donald Trump...

Joe Biden Uses Teleprompter to Read the Names of 200,000 Americans Who Died from Covid-19

LAGO DEL CRIMINAL GENOCIDA, FLORIDA -- Today, Joe Biden made a...

ABC Town Hall Unfairly Ambushes Dear President With Questions from American Voters

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, ABC hosted a town hall discussion with President...

Local Witch Casts “ShutTheFuckUpicus Totallus” Curse on JK Rowling

GODRIC'S HOLLOW, LONDON, UK, THE WIZARDING WORLD -- While it's unclear...

Trump Offers to Loan Army’s Bomb Sniffing Dogs to California

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If California wants them, President Donald Trump says...