Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

American Dental Association Says Lying Through Your Teeth Greatly Increases Risk of Covid-19 Infection

The American Dental Association has issued a statement advising that there...

Did an Antifa Agent Cough on Trump’s Debate Microphone?

How did President Donald Trump contract COVID-19? Will the world ever...

Report: Coronavirus Devastated, Despondent, and Suicidal

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Donald Trump has promised the American people several...

Trump Demands to Know Which Asshole Botched Covid So Bad He Got It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States and his...

Biden Will Ask Trump to Be Fitted With Sweat-Activated Muzzle Prior to Next Debate

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- Last night's presidential debate between former Vice President...

300 lb. Toddler Throws 90-Minute Tantrum

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- A massive, 300-pound orange toddler stood on a...

Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- "Daddy! Daddy! Come quick! I just found a...

Why Won’t Joe Biden Agree to a Full Body Cavity Search Before Tonight’s Debate?

What's Joe Biden hiding? Why won't he acquiesce to any of...

Biden Thanks Orange Garbage Bag Full of Molten, Diarrhea for Preparing Him to Debate Trump

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- Tonight, after months of anticipation, the first presidential...