Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- "Daddy! Daddy! Come quick! I just found a...

Why Won’t Joe Biden Agree to a Full Body Cavity Search Before Tonight’s Debate?

What's Joe Biden hiding? Why won't he acquiesce to any of...

Biden Thanks Orange Garbage Bag Full of Molten, Diarrhea for Preparing Him to Debate Trump

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- Tonight, after months of anticipation, the first presidential...

Trump Thought IRS Stood For “I Repulsed Stormy”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- According to an explosive new report in The New...

Biden: “I Know Watching People Piss Might Be His Thing, But I Won’t Be Taking Trump’s Drug Test”

DELAWARE -- President Donald Trump really, really, really wants former Vice President Joe...

In 2017, Trump Spent $750 in Taxes, and $750,000 in Big Macs

This weekend, The Failing Any Minute Now, We Promise, They Really ARE...

Lindsey Graham Offering ‘Handies and Half-and-Halfs’ to Campaign Donors

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Trump's Taint) has not been...

Trump Issues The Constipation Proclamation

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In 1862, as the country fought in pitched...

Well That’s It. The Republicans Have Convinced Me. I am NOT Voting for Hunter Biden!

Editor's Note: The following is an editorial written by the Editor In...