Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Asshole Dresses as President for Final Halloween in the White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the fourth consecutive year, the asshole who...

Mother Checks Purse for Drugs Before Taking Her Kids Trick or Treating

STINK NUT FALLS, IDAHO -- 35 year old Shelly Skalski is...

Biden Plans to Deploy Official Democrat Antifa Squads In the Event of Post-Election Civil Unrest

SCHLANGE LAKE, FLORIDA -- Just after concluding a campaign stop in...

On Her 39th Birthday, Ivanka’s Just One Year From Being Traded For Younger, Hotter Daughter

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told his First Lady that...

Televangelist Publishes “MAGA-Friendly” Bible Just Three Pages Long

HOLY OAK, VIRGINIA -- Bill Millen, a self-described "televangelist for Trump,"...

President Declares Tampa Bay Rays Winners of World Series ‘By Electoral College Rules’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Los Angeles Dodgers capped off a season...

Dinesh D’Souza Can’t Quite Bring Himself to Call Klansman a “Liberal” to His Hooded Face

IDIOTA, MONTANA -- While on a publicity tour promoting his latest...

Ivanka: “America Needs the Leadership of Small Hands and Even Smaller Genitals”

OLD BALLS, FLORIDA -- Addressing a rally for her father, held...

Man Regrets His Early Vote for Hunter Biden’s Laptop

KOCKWAHRT, RHODE ISLAND -- There is an old phrase you probably...

Merriam-Webster Redefines the Word “Cunty”

The fact of the matter is that English, like all language,...