Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Legal Team Wants to Wrap Entire Supreme Court in Tinfoil Before Presenting Their Arguments

It's not exactly been a big secret. The Trump Campaign's legal...

5 Evidence-Free Accusations We’re Making About Trump’s Legal Team

If there is one thing that President Donald Trump's campaign legal...

Trump Releases 45 Minute Long Facebook Video Making the Case For Why He’s a Sore Loser Bitch

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump lost the election between himself...

Gaetz Says He Has Proof of Deep State Coup Against Trump Enlisting 80 Million American Voters

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One of the nation's most accomplished functional alcoholics...

Heartbroken Trump Boys Think They Have to Call Joe Biden “Daddy” Now

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- When or if President Donald Trump...

Users Spot eBay Listings for The Lincoln Bedroom Set and The President’s Resolute Desk

Users of the auction and sale website eBay are reporting a...

Racist Rectal Warts Are Leaving Facebook and Twitter for Parler

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- The battle for social media supremacy...

A List of The Totally Innocent Offspring Who Might Get a Trump Pardon

Presidential pardons are quite powerful. If there's a federal law or...

Trump Asks Pentagon to ‘Quietly’ Put a Dozen F-35 Jets in His Florida Storage Unit

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While he continues to wage losing legal battles...

Horny Jesus Reminds You He’s Also the Reason for the Squeezin’

SEXXXY HEAVEN -- Horny Jesus Christ, the super-sexed-up version of the...