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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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Criminal Justice

Investigators Find Justice Thomas’ Pubes on Forged Electoral Certificates

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an attempt to keep defeated President Donald J. Trump in...
Science & Medicine

Why Didn’t His Natural Immunity to Crashes Keep Him Being Thrown From His Car?

LAKE FARTFACE, MICHIGAN -- Friends and family gathered this week to bury Larry Lombowski,...
Criminal Justice

Can Donald Trump Legally Hire Al Capone’s Lawyer to Defend Him?

Most former presidents metaphorically ride off into the sunset and spend the rest of...
Criminal Justice

Trump’s Lawyers Advise Him to Throw All His Kids Under the Bus, Even the Ones He Wants to Fuck

News out of the New York State's Attorney General's office has not been good...
Criminal Justice

NY Attorney General: Eric Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked to Spell His Name

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Overnight, the New York Attorney General announced that she...
Tech

Ever Since My Butthole Started Following Marjorie Taylor Greene, It Spews the Dumbest Shit

In hind(end)sight, giving my rectum its own Facebook account has come back to bite...
Conservative Media

Disgruntled OAN Viewers Can Still Get The Same Information at Their Next Klan Rally

Last week, AT&T stunned millions of unwashed, cousin-lusting Americans when it announced that it...
Conservative Media

Analysis: 90% of Videos on Rumble Are Dan Bongino Hate-Spanking to AOC Clips

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Recently, right-wing agitator Dan Bongino was temporarily suspended from...
Lifestyle

Man Shares Inspirational MLK Quote Right Before Calling CRT “Racist Marxism” in Comment Section

Social media historians are calling it one of the most interesting moments of the...
Lifestyle

Gaetz’ Girlfriend Skipped Driver’s Ed Class to Testify Before Grand Jury

This week, a former girlfriend of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) testified before a grand...
Conservative Media

Mike Lindell Claims to Have Evidence Millions of Americans ‘Wanted Trump to Lose’

Mike Lindell, the embattled CEO of MyPillow and MyCrackpipe, announced on Steve Bannon's podcast...
Conservative Media

Tucker Carlson Will Only Spend Angelou Quarters Once He Spends the Ones with White Guys On Them

Fox News host and trust fund white supremacist Tucker Carlson inherited wealth that equates...
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)