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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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MAGA News

Man Who Got C’s In English Demands Immigrants ‘Speak American’ or Go Home

HOBART, ARKANSAS -- Back in high school, Clem O'Connell was not a top student,...
MAGA News

Mexico Asks Trump to Pay for Northern Border Wall to Keep American Mass Shooters Out

"When the United States issues guns, it's not giving them to their best."
MAGA News

Mexico Offers To Pay For Pest Control Service To Remove ‘La Cucaracha Naranja Gigante’ From The White House

"Your apricot-tinged president's proposal for Mexico to pay for his unnecessary and ineffective border wall has been and will continue to be rejected."
MAGA News

Mexico’s President: “When America Sends Its Condolences, It Doesn’t Send Them From Their Best”

After an earthquake devastated Mexico yesterday, Trump sent his condolences. Which Mexico was happy-ish to accept...kinda.
MAGA News

Trump Demands Mexico Change Hurricane Jose Name to “Joe”

President Donald Trump sent a sternly worded telegram to the Mexican president demanding an immediate name change for Hurricane Jose.
MAGA News

Keebler Elves Release Statement Apologizing For “Runaway, Rogue, Racist Little Shithead Elf” Ending DACA

The Trump administration sent its top elf out to announce the end of DACA, and that enraged Session's former elf colleagues.
MAGA News

Mexico to Use Murderer/Rapist/Drug Dealer/Some Good People Pipeline For Sending Harvey Relief Workers To U.S.

The cleanup and rescue effort in the wake of Hurricane Harvey could use help from any and all comers, and Mexico wants to pitch in.
MAGA News

Trump Wants U.S. to Sell Mexico the Iraqi WMD to Fund Border Wall

President Trump is so desperate to fund his southern border wall he'll consider selling weapons of mass destruction to our neighbors.
MAGA News

AG Sessions: U.S. Could Pay For Trump’s Border Wall By Repealing 13th Amendment

Paying for Donald Trump's proposed border wall is meeting stiff opposition all over the political spectrum, but his AG has a plan for that.
Immigration

ICE Agents Arrest, Move To Deport Anchor Fetus

Federal agents in California have arrested and will now move to deport the youngest undocumented life form in U.S. history.
MAGA News

VP Pence Suggests Tearing Down Wall Between Church And State And Using It To Build The Border Wall

If you ask Mike Pence, the wall separating church and state in this country could be dismantled and put to much better use.
Immigration

Undocumented Taiwanese Dreamer Studying Spanish In Case Trump Deports Her

Even though she's from Taiwan, one Dreamer has begun brushing up on her Spanish to prepare for a possible deportation by Trump.
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)