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Matt Gaetz

Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton’s Been Circling Matt Gaetz Home and Shouting ‘Lock Him Up!’

LAKE EPSTEIN, FLORIDA -- Qongressman Matt Gaetz may be in for a rough time...
World News

Matt Gaetz Mocks Biden For Not Licking a Single Authoritarian Dictator’s Taint Yet

"I bet Sleepy Joe doesn't even KNOW where Kim Jong-Un's G-spot is!"
Lifestyle

Gaetz Plans to Fuck a Mrs. Potato Head While Reading Racist Dr. Seuss Books to Own the Libs

He's had it up to here with cancel culture, and Matt Gaetz is going to do the only thing he knows how in order to stop it: embarrassing himself.
MAGA News

Matt Gaetz Tells CPAC He Won’t Let Trump ‘Pull Out Until He Finishes’

A visibly evident and olfactorily confirmed drunk Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) slurred and stammered...
Science & Medicine

Space Force Releases Initial Cost Estimate to Yeet Matt Gaetz Into The Sun

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The United States Space Force released a study this week that...
Lifestyle

Gaetz Blames Cancel Culture for His Inability to Bring a Woman to Climax Even Once

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If there is one thing Congressman Matt Gaetz loathes, it's sobriety....
Criminal Justice

Gaetz: “In America, It’s Three Insurrections and You’re Out, Not One!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For two hours this morning, the House of Representatives debated whether...
MAGA News

Matt Gaetz Blames Antifa for His Inability to Show Up To Work Sober

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A visually intoxicated Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Trump's Taint) told reporters today...
U.S. Politics

Gaetz and Jordan: Trump Won Because They ‘Wouldn’t Blow Just Any Old Loser’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The results of last month's presidential haven't really been in much...
MAGA News

Jordan and Gaetz Say Trump Won Because They ‘Wouldn’t Blow Just Any Old Loser’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The results of last month's presidential haven't really been in much...
U.S. Politics

Gaetz: “Real Patriots Don’t Ever Abandon Their Deeply Unpopular, One-Term, Impeached Loser Cry Baby President”

LAKE FUKFAYCE, FLORIDA -- For one of Donald Trump's most loyal congressional servants, there...
MAGA News

Gaetz and Jordan Insist Trump Must Have Won Because They ‘Wouldn’t Blow Just Any Old Loser’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For more than a month now, elected Republican loyalists have tried...
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)