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Betsy Devos: “Some People Are Too Poor to Know When It’s Safe to Send...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Education Secretary Betsy Devos told members of the educational community on a conference call from the White House this morning that...
Fauci Pronounces Trump ‘Dead From the Neck-Up’
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a press conference this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci pronounced the President of the United States of America "dead from the...
President Trump Eliminates The Judicial Branch Via Executive Order
You might think the country really needs its Judicial Branch, but if you do, you're probably a libtarded beta cuck male and should shut up.
Trump Signs Executive Order Officially Declaring His Penis “Straight, Effective, And Completely Normal Sized”
Will President Donald Trump's latest executive order finally put to a rest nasty rumors swirling around him and his junk?
Party of Lincoln Outraged People Keep Pulling Down Statues of His Enemies
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Most every American can name its 16th president. That's because he happens to be, probably, the most famous one, and millions...
NYC Offers to Paint “Orange Lies Matter” in Front of Trump Tower Instead
NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The City of New York has extended an offer to one of its most famous former residents, hoping to...
An Angry, Racist, Orange Bag of Diarrhea Will No Longer Voice the Character of...
Last week, a handful of white actors and actresses gave up their roles in animated projects so that someone closer to the racial makeup...
Trump Tells Taliban They Owe Him a Cut
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Whether or not the president was briefed on Russia's efforts to pay bounties to Taliban forces in Afghanistan, what he did...
Lahren: NASA Should Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’
VAPID VALLEY, TEXAS -- Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tributary Lahren told a radio host today that she was about to...
Should I Be Concerned That My Penile Discharge Looks Exactly Like Stephen Miller?
Author's Note:
Before reading this column any further, please be advised that I will be discussing a personal medical matter in great, gory detail. If...
