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President Will Distribute Copies of Mary Trump’s Book at Future MAGA Rallies
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump cannot be all that thrilled about his niece Mary's new book. In the tell-all, Ms. Trump goes into...
Emperor Palpatine Defends Attorney General Vader’s Use of Stormtroopers in Portland
CORUSCANT -- As protests mount throughout the galaxy, Emperor Sheev Palpatine has maintained a public tone of righteousness and self-assurance. The protests have begun...
Poll Indicates Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice
As the election draws closer, there's little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he's reliant in large part on the votes of conservative evangelical...
Twitter Will Start Slapping “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Warning on Trump Tweets
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time fact checks to tweets created and sent by the most...
Ghosts of Elijah Cummings and John Lewis Mistake Jar of Mayonnaise for Marco Rubio
THE GREAT BEYOND -- There was a brief but quite ironically hilarious case of mistaken identity reported from the afterlife this morning. Reportedly, two late...
DNC Announces First Presidential Debate Between Donald Trump and Chris Wallace
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee has announced the first presidential debate of the 2020 election, and some might find themselves quite surprised...
Trump Suggests Adult Film Industry Rename ATMs to “Doing a McEnany”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, it's still not quite clear how or why the subject came to the attention of the...
Sources Confirm: President Trump Still Likes Russian Whore Piss And Wants To Fuck His...
President Trump still definitely loves Russian prostitute urine and totally wants to bang his daughter, according to sources close to him.
Incoherent Idiot Wastes Hour of Everyone’s Life Reminding Them Why They Should Vote for...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a nearly hour-long, oftentimes rambling, mostly incoherent rant, a massive idiot and continually failed businessman stood in the White House...
Mary Trump’s Book Claims Her Uncle Paid Someone Else to Take STD Tests for...
Yesterday, a judge cleared the way for Mary Trump -- niece of President Donald J. Trump -- to promote her new tell-all book about...
