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Gwyneth Paltrow and David Avocado Wolfe Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though his administration is telling Americans that the coronavirus has been "contained" in the United States, President Donald Trump is still...
Trump: “Okay You Poor Little Shits, You Get Your Check. Now Go Die for...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Microphones caught President Donald J. Trump in a hot mic situation this week, after he'd just concluded the Oval Office signing...
Trump Brags That Obama ‘Could Never Have as Many COVIDs’ As He Has
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is still attempting to guide the country through a pandemic outbreak of COVID-19, or the "novel coronavirus," as...
Trump Will Hold Instagram Live Cross Burning to ‘Make Up For’ Canceled Campaign Rallies
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump reportedly has been quite unnerved at how long it's been since his last campaign rally. Mr. Trump has...
Pro-Life Evangelical Christian Explains Why Grandma Has to Die to Save Boeing Stock Prices
HOLY OAK, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Bill Millen, an outspoken and devout supporter of President Donald J. Trump, told his tele-congregation this week that America's...
President Assures Public Fighting Coronavirus Won’t Keep Him From Trying to Suck His Own...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When President Donald Trump took to the podium in the White House briefing room for an event that has become a...
Rep. Kevin McCarthy: “The Democrats Are Playing Politics With Corporate CEO Bonuses Hanging in...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Trump's Sphincter) lashed out at Senate Democrats just moments ago, accusing them of "playing politics" at...
Conservative Still Searching for the Word “Capitalism” in Constitution
LAKE BOOTRIEMEN, MICHIGAN -- For the last 25 years, Jack Mincer has been scouring the Constitution of the United States of America for one,...
Trump Slams Reporter’s ‘Nasty Gotcha Request for Comfort and Calm Leadership on Behalf of...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump lashed out at yet another reporter during his coronavirus task force briefing this morning.
Before becoming president, Trump seemed...
Local Man Not Defensive, But Why Are You Even Asking?!
OBTUSE GARDENS, ILLINOIS -- No. No. No. No. No. It doesn't matter how many times you ask him. It doesn't matter how many ways you...
