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Adolf Hitler Endorses Labeling AntiFa A ‘Terrorist Organization’
HELL, HELL -- Former German President, and, still pretty much the worst human being to ever exist, Adolf Hitler, held a press conference today...
Pat Robertson: “You Will Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus”
VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson has a stern warning for Christians who also consider themselves fans of the Star Wars franchise not to invest...
Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He doesn't have to tweet. There is no clause in the United States Constitution that requires any social media company, much...
Satirist Beginning to Suspect He May Secretly Be a Prophet
Aspiring satirist Johnathon Flake expressed a growing conviction to friends and colleagues today that what he once mistook for a cynical and inappropriate sense...
Cornelius Fudge Says Coronavirus Seems Well Contained and Magical Economy Can Re-Open ‘Immediately’
ENGLAND, THE WIZARD WORLD -- Former Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge gave an interview to The Daily Prophet this week that is garnering quite a bit...
Obama Gives Biden Access Codes for FEMA Camps and Stockpile of Confiscated Guns
SECRET SHARIA DUNGEON, THE LITERAL HELL -- During their weekly ritualistic sacrifice of a pale-skinned virgin, former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) gave his...
Despite Lack of Rent, Obama Looking for ‘Less Racist and Stupid’ Place to Live
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Barack Obama announced today that he and his family are looking for a new space to call home, despite...
FDA Warns of Newly Discovered Hydroxychloroquine Side-Effect: Permanent Butthole Mouth
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though it's unclear whether it's true or not, this week President Donald J. Trump announced that he is currently taking hydroxychloroquine,...
Fauci Confirms Rand Paul is a ‘Flaming Douchebag With Absolutely Shitty Hair,’ Medically Speaking
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Medically speaking, Senator Rand Paul (R-Ayn Rand's Overrated, Overwrought Bootyhole) is a "flaming douchebag with absolutely shitty hair." At least that's...
World Shocked to Discover Billionaire Just Entitled Sociopath Asshole
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Billionaire and Likely Cartoon Villain Elon Musk wanted his Tesla plant opened back up, and that's exactly what he...
