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White House Transcript of Ukraine Call Leaks
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States, President Donald J. Trump, seems to be headed toward a date with either history or...
Chamber of Commerce: White Sheet Sales Up 72% Since January 2017
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce announced on Monday that retailers across the country are reporting a 72% increase in white sheet sales.
"It's the damndest...
Pervy Conspiracy Theorist Storms Area 69 Instead
AREA 69, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION -- While everyone else has been busy preparing for an invasion of Area 51, the government's top secret desert outpost...
Barack Obama Buys and Renames Netflix, Releases List of Its First Three New Shows
KENYA -- Former President Barack Hussein Obama announced today that he and his wife Michelle have agreed to purchase streaming media company Netflix and...
Huckabee Sanders Announces Book Title on First Fox News Appearance Since Leaving White House
HOG MOUNTAIN, ARKANSAS -- Former White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders appeared on Fox News this morning. It was her first such appearance...
Pat Robertson: “If The Florida and Puerto Rico Gays Stop Having the Sex With...
VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson told his telecongregation this morning that he was "praying super-duper hardcore hard" for those in the path...
Hurricane Dorian Makes Preemptive Strike Against U.S. Nuclear Arsenal
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, the Pentagon is confirming that the United States military is formulating a response to an unforeseen...
Evangelical Libertarian: “Jesus Died on the Cross to End Progressive Taxation”
HOLY OAK, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Bill Millen makes no bones about it. He loves "God, guns, America, Jesus, and President Trump's trace rectal elements."
"If...
5 Names to Add to the “Clinton Body Count”
When it was discovered that alleged billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein had killed himself in his federal prison cell, the hashtag #ClintonBodyCount started trending. For...
Lahren: “Mermaids Are White, Just Like Santa and Jesus!”
LA CULERA RUBIA ARRUGADA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist muppet Timothy Lahren railed against Disney's decision to cast a female of color in...
