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George Floyd Looks Down From Heaven on May Jobs Report and Still Wishes Four...
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- While his country is still reeling from the COVID-19 outbreak, and as civil unrest is still being witnessed in...
2003 Republicans Want U.S. Military to Liberate U.S. From 2020 Republicans
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A delegation of elected Republicans from the year 2003 appeared on the steps of the capitol rotunda this morning, demanding that...
Scientists Confirm Responding to Extrajudicial Homicide With ‘All Lives Matter’ Makes You a Total...
It could be one of the most important scientific studies since it was proven that Senator Ted Cruz thinks about butt sex more than...
Americans Designate MAGA a Terrorist Organization
While the president and his administration have deemed AntiFa -- a political ideology that declares itself against fascism -- a terrorist organization, actual Americans...
Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He doesn't have to tweet. There is no clause in the United States Constitution that requires any social media company, much...
Despite Lack of Rent, Obama Looking for ‘Less Racist and Stupid’ Place to Live
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Barack Obama announced today that he and his family are looking for a new space to call home, despite...
FDA Warns of Newly Discovered Hydroxychloroquine Side-Effect: Permanent Butthole Mouth
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though it's unclear whether it's true or not, this week President Donald J. Trump announced that he is currently taking hydroxychloroquine,...
World Shocked to Discover Billionaire Just Entitled Sociopath Asshole
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Billionaire and Likely Cartoon Villain Elon Musk wanted his Tesla plant opened back up, and that's exactly what he...
Whiny Bitch Throws Toys Out of Crib, Storms Out of Presser
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, Americans witnessed a sight they'd never seen in the 244 year history of the nation when a 73 year old,...
Armed Protesters Demand Their Right to Domestic Terrorism for Haircuts
DERP CITY, MICHIGAN -- Dozens of armed mouth-breathers stormed a local government office this afternoon, angrily demanding they be afforded their constitutional right to...
