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CDC Reminder: Also Sanitize Your Butt Plugs When There’s No Pandemic
ATLANTA, GEORGIA --Authorities at the Centers for Disease Control have issued a new statement to Americans, urging them to sanitize their butt plugs to...
Federal Reserve Funds $1.5 Trillion in Universal Bank Care
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In bold, decisive action this week, the Federal Reserve Bank authorized the injection of $1.5 trillion into the financial sector of...
Petition to Put Harvey Weinstein In Epstein’s Prison Cell Reaches Six Million Signatures
NEW YORK -- This week, a petition to put disgraced Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein in the same jail cell that was once occupied by...
Stephen Miller Announces He’s Immune to Human Mutation of Coronavirus
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The president's Senior White Power Adviser has announced that he is completely immune to the novel coronavirus threatening a pandemic outbreak...
Kellyanne Conway: “The Market is Alternatively Booming Because Investors Are Alternatively Confident in Us”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After one of its most volatile weeks since the Great Recession last week, which saw multiple steep drops on the Dow...
David Avocado Wolfe and Gwyneth Paltrow Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though his administration is telling Americans that the coronavirus has been "contained" in the United States, President Donald Trump is still...
Mark Meadows Named White House Grand Imperial Chief of Staff
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, Donald Trump announced that his loyal and faithful servant, Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney had left his royal court, and...
Poll Shows Majority of Americans Wouldn’t Mind if Coronavirus Outbreak Contained Only to Oval...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A new poll just released shows that a majority of Americans wouldn't mind it in the slightest if a coronavirus outbreak...
Bloomberg Will Pay You $15,000 and a New Tesla to Tell People He Won...
DESERT SPRINGS, NEVADA -- Last night, former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg made his first appearance on the Democratic primary debate stage. All...
Anti-Corruption Crusader Pardons Four Corrupt Criminals Because He Cares So Much About Corruption
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The most prominent anti-corruption crusading president in American history issued pardons to eight people today, four of whom were convicted of...
