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Sarah Huckabee Sanders Fails New Year’s Resolution To Stop Smoking Crack On First Day...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last year was quite the whirlwind for Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. When 2017 started, she was merely the deputy Press...
Putin Dictates Trump’s New Year’s Resolutions To Him
MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Today, Russian President Vladimir Putin made a phone call to Secondary American President Donald Trump and dictated a list of resolutions...
Tomi Lahren Wants NASA To Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’
VAPID VALLEY, TEXAS -- Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tributary Lahren told a radio host today that she was about to...
Trump Declares South Electoral College Winners Of Civil War
MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA -- Just hours after triumphantly declaring a victory in the War on Christmas, President Donald Trump gave a late Christmas gift to...
General Trump Declares Victory In The War On Christmas
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A strident and victorious General Donald Trump -- President of The United States of America -- triumphantly burst onto the front...
Santa Claus Apologizes For Trump Of Coal He Put In Entire World’s Stockings Last...
HIGH ABOVE PLANET EARTH -- The world is a very big place, and when your primary job in it is to deliver toys and...
Donald Trump Jr. To Have Breakthrough Plastic Surgery For His ‘Chronic Jizz Face’
NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The president's son will be undergoing a radical, experimental new plastic surgery procedure, and the hope is that when...
Russian Prostitute Takes Credit For Giving Trump Idea For Trickle Down Tax Plan
MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Today, President Donald Trump signed a massive tax cut into law.
The tax overhaul is expected to bring modest savings to middle...
Trump Decides To Boycott KFC, Fearing A Chicken Coup
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are reporting that President Trump is growing increasingly paranoid about attempts to subvert his presidency, and...
Disney Apologizes For Using His Soul To Sculpt Animatronic Trump In Hall of Presidents
ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA -- The Walt Disney Company has issued an official apology to the White House this morning, saying they are "forever sorry" for...
