A new video has leaked online that reportedly shows freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) engaged in sexual activity with another man.
Because scientists have long since proven that watching Republicans engage in sex acts can cause irreparable brain damage, we have elected not to link to or show the video in any way. However, if one feels adventurous enough, they can Google “Madison Cawthorn sex video” and let the sweet release of death wash away the permanent synaptic scarring that will ensue.
Cawthorn, who rankled his own party a few weeks back by publicly accusing some of them of inviting him to participate in “cocaine orgies,” addressed the video in a tweet. The North Carolina representative blamed establishment forces in his own party for the video becoming public. Cawthorn explained in the tweet that he was being “crass” with a friend.
A new hit against me just dropped.
Years ago, in this video, I was being crass with a friend, trying to be funny.
We were acting foolish, and joking.
That’s it.
I’m NOT backing down.
I told you there would be a drip drip campaign.
Blackmail won't win. We will.
— Madison Cawthorn (@CawthornforNC) May 4, 2022
Rep. Cawthorn’s party, on a national level, has fought fiercely to roll back advances made in LGTBQ rights in states across the country. Some have wondered if Cawthorn is, ultimately, just the latest Republican politician caught participating in the very kinds of consensual, adult sex acts they demagogue to their base. As he arrived for work this morning, Cawthorn addressed those very questions.
“I was hoping this whole thing would go away overnight, but apparently I’m not that lucky. However, the good news is that there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why I’d be in a video doing things I would vilify to my base,” Cawthorn said, “and that explanation is this: brazen hypocrisy and shameless hypocrisy are my personal kinks. Okay? That’s it. It’s very simple: I cum extra, super-duper hard when I’m acting like a craven, asshole hypocrite.”
Cawthorn gave himself a round of applause as he bolted from the scene as quickly as he could.
@jamboschlarmbo Good news for everyone who stays awake every night worrying about all the #abortion in America! #politics #politik #polititok #politok #prochoice #plannedparenthood #womensrights #political #politicaltiktok ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on TikTok, Patreon, Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.
