WASHINGTON, D.C. — Brett Kavanaugh, a political operative turned D.C. appeals circuit judge, has been nominated by President Donald Trump to succeed retiring Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, but despite the potential for conflicts of interest, Judge Kavanaugh says he will remain impartial about any potential cases involving the president that might come before the high court.
“Let me just say right here, and right now, that I do not think presidents are above the law,” Kavanaugh was overheard telling a group of Republican senators this morning in the rotunda. “Or, well, not all of them. Definitely not all of them. Just one orange shit clown president is, as far as I can tell, truly above the law. And I aim to keep it that way!”
Many who have watched the first year and a half of the Trump era play out are nervous about Mr. Trump demanding loyalty to himself, rather than the Constitution and its separation of powers, out of the man he’s chosen to replace Kennedy. Special Counsel Robert Mueller is still conducting his investigation into the 2016 presidential campaign and whether or not Russia’s influence campaign also relied on collusion between the Kremlin and the Trump team for implementation. It’s possible that if Mueller issues a recommendation of indicting President Trump, the case could very well wind up in front of the Supreme Court, and Trump would potentially have two justices he placed on the bench hearing that potential bombshell of a case.
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“I want to make it crystal clear that yes, I am extremely partisan and that is exactly why Orange Daddy chose me, but I will not be just handing a blank check to any president, should I be confirmed,” Kavanaugh was heard telling another group of Senators. “I will, however, issue a certain tangerine-tinted despot an executive platinum card he can do whatever the hell he wants to with, though, of course.”
Reached for comment, Russian President Vladimir Putin said he thinks Trump made the “right decision” to nominate Kavanaugh, but he does have some concerns.
“He better think there’s at least one more president who is above the law,” Putin said. “Perhaps the president who helped the president who gave him this lifetime appointment? Da. That guy. He seems pretty cool, I think.”
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was asked about Kavanaugh’s implication that he may, in fact, find some presidents are above the law.
“Let me ask you this, is Trump a black Democrat, equal emphasis on both those adjectives? No? Well then we’ll put his guy through, no question,” McConnell said emphatically. “Doy.”
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPost, Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals.
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