Jealous Sean Hannity Tells Scaramucci ‘There’s Only So Much Trump Dick to Go Around’

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NEW YORK, NEW YORK — This morning, Fox News and conservative talk radio host Sean Hannity told listeners of his weekend podcast that he was “shocked, angered, and taken aback” by the first public appearances newly hired White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci. In a long-winded tirade, Hannity excoriated Scaramucci for being “way too up Trump’s ass” and “putting too much presidential dick in his mouth” at once.

“Hey, Anthony,” Hannity said at one point, addressing the communications director who was not actually in the room, “maybe slow down, okay? Maybe realize there’s a pecker — excuse me — pecking order here, and some of us have been here a lot longer than he has.”

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Hannity pointed to several anti-Trump tweets that Scaramucci has been deleting rapidly since last Friday when it was announced that Sean Spicer was leaving as the White House Press Secretary. It wasn’t long until social media users were combing through Scaramucci’s tweets, finding the ones that attacked or criticized Trump, and retweeting them. Scaramucci announced that he was deleting the tweets, after he started to delete them, in a tweet over the weekend.

In both his first press briefing as the head of communications for the Trump White House, and in an interview on CNN with Jake Tapper, Scaramucci heaped effusive praise on Trump. On Friday, he said that he’d seen Trump making baskets at Madison Square Garden in a full suit, and throw a “perfect spiral” through a tire. He said several times in that first briefing how much he loved Trump. This infuriated Hannity.

“This fuckin’ newcomer wants to come in new and get all the Trump cum,” Hannity bellowed, “No way! Not on my watch! Get in line, Mooch. This ain’t illegal immigration, you can’t cut in line!”

Hannity laced into Scaramucci for “kissing up to the president so much” it would “make the rest of us looks bad by comparison.” Mr. Hannity says Scaramucci should “let everyone have a turn” and that he’s “like one of those kids taking too long at the drinking fountain.”

“I’m just saying there’s only so much Trump dick to go around,” Hannity said, “and that’s especially true in this case. Look at his hands, for Chrissakes.”

Ultimately, Hannity said he still thinks Scaramucci will do a fine job. He just has to “tone down the ass kissing and dick sucking a notch or two,” in Hannity’s estimation.

RELATED: Trump to Hold Seance, Contact Dead Parents, and Ask Them to Make His Job Easier

“Look, I’m just saying I was here first,” Hannity said, “and I already outlasted Spicer. So I was expecting to get a little more one-on-one time with Trump’s schlong is all. And now it seems like Mooch is going to get in the way of that. So I want him to succeed at his job, but not at the cost of my alone with with the president’s cock. You understand, fam.”

The last fifteen minutes of Hannity’s podcast was devoted to right-wing unemployed firebrand Tammy Lahren screeching and saying the word “snowflake” over and over while Sean fapped the hardest he’s fapped in his life.

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