EL LAGO TIOTHOMAS, CALIFORNIA — As officials work to clean up the mess and devastation of Hurricane Barry, right-wing pundit, and expert on spending time in the federal pokey, Dinesh D’Souza intimated that the hurricane might be “hiding its true location of origin.”
“I’ve heard it on very good authority that Hurricane Barry’s real name is Barack,” D’Souza told a group of Republican Californians today. “And I know that all fifteen or twenty of you will absolutely agree with me, it’s time for President Donald Trump to get Hurricane Barry’s long form birth certificate.”
D’Souza warned that Hurricane Barry is “clearly sent by George Soros to punish Trump voters.”
“Louisiana went for Trump, and now all of a sudden we have Hurricane Barry? Sounds fishy to me,” D’Souza ranted. “Frankly, though, this is par for the Democrat Nazi Literal Communist Party, though isn’t it? This is exactly why Adolf Hitler started the Democratic Party in 1987. This is all well known, established historical fact that I’m saying right now, and not just whatever bullshit comes to the top of my sophist mind the quickest, believe me!”
Mr. D’Souza says that he “will bet $15,000 illegally donated campaign dollars” that Hurricane Barry is in fact a “front for the Soros/Clinton/Obama cabal’s attempts to destroy America from within.”
“This didn’t start today, or yesterday. This goes all the way back to when Satan himself literally told Hitler to tell Saul Alinsky to tell the Clintons to send a secret Sharia coded message to Kenya,” D’Souza said breathlessly, “and if you deny these are all completely factual, you’re the real racists.”
Beginning later this fall, D’Souza will begin work on his new book, “Hurricane Barry’s Crooked Nazi Democrat America,” where he plans to “expose all the real racists in the Democratic Party.”
“We all know it’s not the people angrily defending white supremacy that are racists; it’s the people calling out the racists. Well, as a token brown voice used to justify racism, let me just tell you,” D’Souza said, “that’s all crazy talk. It reminds me of when, in 1856 Albert Einstein said he’d never be a Democrat because they are literally like the Nazis combined with the Decepticons and he wasn’t going to be a party to that. That’s all very true, by the way, but don’t go looking for it in any liberal, government mandated history books.”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”
