Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Inspired by Cruz, Next Episode of “Sesame Street” Will Be Brought to You By the Letters “C-U-N-T”

Right from its inception, the educational television show "Sesame Street" has...

When Will Biden Officially Cancel Christmas This Year?

Everyone knows it's coming. The former president warned us -- only he could...

Biden Says Treasury Will Add “In Soros We Trust” to All Currency

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden has directed the United States...

Santa Claus Will Require Proof of Vaccination Before Delivering Toys This Year

THE NORTH POLE -- Elected officials like Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun)...

Big Bird Asks Big Dodo To Show Him How to Get to Cancun

Beloved children's performer Big Bird made national headlines this weekend when...

Warden Denies MTG Conjugal Visit With January 6th Attackers, Citing Illegality of Horse Fucking

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is no...

Mike Lindell: Trump Will Be Back in Power and ‘Make Jesus White Again’ by Christmas

Mike Lindell, CEO of MyPillow and its subsidiary, MyCrackPipe, can be...

Hawley’s Wife: He’s the Epitome of Masculinity, Even When She Dreams of Fucking Other Men

Erin Hawley, wife of Senator and insurrectionist Josh Hawley (Q-MO), believes...

Starbucks Rolls Out Hanukkah, Kwanza, Church of Satan Holiday Cups

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Coffee purveyor Starbucks announced three new holiday cups...