Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Benjamin Netanyahu’s (Paraphrased) Congressional Speech

If you missed or skipped Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's congressional address, we've paraphrased it for you here.

An Interview With a Colorado Resident After His State Sold 17 Tons of Legal Pot

Colorado legalized marijuana recreationally in 2014 and sold over 17 tons of the stuff in the first year. We interviewed one local man to see how Colorado has changed.

Scott Walker Sorry About (The Media Covering) His Dumb Comments

Don't think Scott Walker doesn't feel about his comments comparing ISIS to Wisconsin protesters. He is very sorry...that the media covered it.

Sen. Jim Inhofe Jumps On Senate Floor to Disprove Gravity

Senator Jim Inhofe has a bone to pick with science, he won't stop until he wins.

Scott Walker Says Protesters Are Like Nazis With AIDS Killing Puppies

Scott Walker has some interesting views on protesters and terrorists.

Scott Walker ‘Not Even Sure Obama is Human’

Is there anything about Obama that Scott Walker is "sure" of?

Rudy Giuliani: ‘I’m Not a Racist. I’m a Pandering Asshole’

Rudy Giuliani says he he didn't make racist comments; he was just pandering to other, IRL-racists.

WalMart Announces Bump in Wages from ‘Sub-Sub-Poverty’ to ‘Plain Old Sub-Poverty’

Wal-Mart has decided to crow about raising their workers' average salaries from sub-sub-poverty rates to just regular sub-poverty.

ELECTION 2016: ISIS Executioner Endorses Dr. Ben Carson

Dr. Ben Carson loves him some war crimes. Which means he's ISIS' ideal presidential candidate.