Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Harry Reid Looks Forward to a Whole New Job Accomplishing Nothing and Not Being Very Well Liked

Harry Reid is leaving the senate, headed for greener, still ineffective pastures.

Ted Cruz: ‘I’m Running for President of Opposite America!’

Ted Cruz isn't running for President of the United States of America. Which country is he running to lead then?

Senate GOP to Declare U.S. Dominion Over Mars’ Nitrogen Supply

There's nitrogen on Mars, and Senate Republicans want to harvest it for America and America only.

Sen Ted Cruz: ‘Whether I Win or Not, My Bank Accounts Will’

At the first campaign stop of his 2016 presidential bid, Sen. Ted Cruz told reporters why he doesn't care if he wins or loses.

“Why I Should Be President” by Senator Ted Cruz

Read why Senator Ted Cruz thinks you should elect him next year.

Ted Cruz: ‘Okay, I Admit It, I Don’t Know F*ck-All About NASA, Space, Climate, or Science!’

Sen. Ted Cruz just admitted he doesn't know anything about the subjects the committee he runs are about. But he also doesn't give an eff if you know that anymore.

Obama’s Voting Proposal Outrages Another 12% of Americans Into Possibly Voting

A new poll shows President Obama's compulsory voting idea has inspired another 12% of Americans to maybe, possibly vote next time around.

Dick Cheney: ‘I Criticize Obama Out of Total Hypocrisy, Not Racism!’

Former Vice-President Dick Cheney wants the world to know he's just a hypocrite, not a racist.

Country That Spent $6T Killing People Sad It Wasted $125B Trying to Help People

Nothing irks some Americans more than government government waste. Spending $6T to kill people is fine, but accidentally spending less than 5% of that is not cool.

McConnell: Legislating Vaginae Takes Precedence Over Ending Slavery

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has vowed to stall Loretta Lynch's confirmation as Attorney General over Democrats' hardline stance on anti-abortion language in another bill.