Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Rick Perry Gets In Line Expecting Sandwich, Winds-Up Running for President Too

Rick Perry was just looking for a bite to eat, but he decided to run for president while he was at it.

Rick Santorum Wants Oscar the Grouch To Stop Commenting on Garbage

Rick Santorum has a message for another celebrity he wants to pipe down on the talking about the environment and the what-not.

Fox News Contributor Trying Hard to Simultaneously Insult Caitlyn Jenner But Gloat Over Her Being a Republican

One contributor for Fox News is struggling with which conservative agenda he should be most loyal to.

These Republicans Hate Government So Much, They Can’t Wait to Run It

Why do these Republicans hate government but want to run it all? We asked them, and here maybe are some of their answers.

MENSA Chief Vince Vaughn: ‘There Should Be Guns For Shooters to Steal Away in Every School’

Actor and smartest man alive Vince Vaughn wants there to be more guns in schools. Because adding more of the problem to a problem makes the problem go away.

Rick Santorum Vows to ‘Continue Pretending We Live In 1815’ If Supreme Court Okays Gay Marriage

Rick Santorum pledges to fight modernity with full force if its foisted upon him.

Dick Cheney: ‘Those FIFA Jerks Sure Do Belong Behind Bars, Am I Right?’

What might be Dick Cheney's thoughts on the FIFA indictments?