Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ruined Traditional Marriage Count (Week #4)

Hide your wedding album! The gay marriage gestapo is on its way!

Donald Trump Mails ‘Turd In a Box’ To Carly Fiorina

Donald Trump left a very "special" gift for another candidate this week.

Scott Walker Declares All Wisconsin Testicles ‘Protected Land’ In New Anti-Abortion Move

Will Wisconsin sperm and eggs sleep safer thanks to Governor Scott Walker (R-Wi)?

Muslim Florist Sets Up ‘Gun Toting, Ammosexual D-Bag’-Free Zone In Her Shop

Andy Hallinan wants Muslims out of his gun shop, and one Muslim woman wants gun-nuts out of her floral shop in response.

‘Absolute Ass-Load’ Of People Show Up to Hear Man Who Has No Chance of Winning

Another spectacularly large group of people showed up to show their support for Bernie Sanders, who clearly none of them will vote for next year.

Scott Walker: ‘I am Prepared to Annex Poland On Day One’

No ally is safe when President Scott Walker takes office.

Local Religious Zealot ‘Not So Concerned’ About Life of Zygote After It’s Born

One woman stopped an abortion, but doesn't care what happens to the child next. She's onto the next zygote before the dust settles.

FBI: Suspect’s Ethnicity, Presumed Religion ‘Vital’ In Labeling Chattanooga Shooting ‘Terrorism’

The perpetrator in the Chattanooga shooting incident had a Muslim name and brown skin, helping the FBI to officially label his attack as terrorism.

Obama Gun Confiscation Count: Week #416

Has the Obama gun confiscation regime knocked on YOUR door this week?