Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Fox News Announces ‘B-Team’ Debate, Moderated by Inanimate Rock

Fox News has announced plans for a second, B-team debate of Republican contenders.

Obama Gun Confiscation Count: Week #418

The Obama Gun Confiscation just keeps rollin' along.

Ruined Traditional Marriage Count (Week #5)

Did gay marriage ruin your straight marriage this week too?!

Religious Zealot: Doctored Videos Should Cost Millions of Women Vital Health Services

One Oklahoma woman explains why Planned Parenthood should lose all funding because of doctored videos.

Top 5 Donald Trump Campaign Songs

We asked Donald Trump to give us some ideas of his campaign songs, and he didn't disappoint.

Pat Robertson: ‘Get Ready for God To Start Smiting Actual Boy Scouts’

"Clearly, God does not operate on my time table," Robertson said, "because if he did, there'd be a whole lot more dead Godless amoral heathen liberals running around, that's for sure."

Rand Paul Fornicates With Copy of Tax Code

A new campaign publicity video shows Rand Paul in a compromised position with the U.S. tax code.

Ted Cruz/Mitch McConnell Announce Plan to ‘F**k It Out’

Ted Cruz and Mitch McConnell may not like each other, but will that doesn't mean they can't bury the hatchet in a very sexy way.

Thousands in Deep Red State Come to See Democratic Socialist With No Chance to Win Election

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA -- There are few states redder than Louisiana...

Ted Cruz: Iran Nuclear Deal Is ‘Obama and Kerry Doing Two Holocausts To Israel’

Ted Cruz wanted to one-up and upstage Mike Huckabee after the evangelical former governor compared Obama and Kerry to Nazis.