Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ted Cruz: ‘It’s Time For a Sexual Inquisition!’

"We must ask ourselves if we truly trust women with their vaginae."

George W. Bush Farts in Elevator; Jeb! Blames Obama, Hillary

GLEN SPRINGS, NEW HAMPSHIRE -- Former Florida Governor and 2016 Republican...

Doesn’t Change A Thing: Crazy, Unelectable, SOCIALIST Surges To Top of NH Polls

A totally meaningless poll shows Bernie leading Hillary. Pffft. Like that means anything.

Republicans Worried Wrong A-Hole Is Fronting Their A-Hole Policies

Are Republicans freaking out about the wrong a-hole representing their a-hole policies?

Jesus Christ: ‘Bachmann Is Right, I’m Coming Again…For a Sandwich’

Jesus Christ says Michele Bachmann is right about him coming back to Earth, but wrong about the reason why.

Texan Fiscal Genius Rick Perry to Start Paying Campaign Staff in Hugs, Wishes

Rick Perry says he may be out of money, but he can still pay his staff something.

Man Who Takes 36% Of Year Off Thinks Some Americans Don’t Work Hard Enough

Rand Paul is pretty sure if you're poorer than others it's because you don't work hard enough.

Pat Robertson: Not Separating Toys By Gender ‘Puts God’s Bullseye’ On Target’s Stores

Will God smite Target as Pat Robertson predicts for daring to challenge the notion of boys not playing with dolls or girls with G.I. Joes?

Nearly 30,000 People Show Up To Hear Man They Can’t Help Win Election

Almost 30,000 showed up to hear Bernie Sanders speaks recently, too bad none of those people will have a way to show their support for him next November.