Totally Bulls*it News

Can I File an Extension If I’m Not Ready to Control My Wife By January 20th?

I don't really want to go to jail because I couldn't figure out how to wrangle my wife's genitals into their holding pen before...

Republicans Worried Wrong A-Hole Is Fronting Their A-Hole Policies

Are Republicans freaking out about the wrong a-hole representing their a-hole policies?

Jesus Christ: ‘Bachmann Is Right, I’m Coming Again…For a Sandwich’

Jesus Christ says Michele Bachmann is right about him coming back to Earth, but wrong about the reason why.

Texan Fiscal Genius Rick Perry to Start Paying Campaign Staff in Hugs, Wishes

Rick Perry says he may be out of money, but he can still pay his staff something.

Man Who Takes 36% Of Year Off Thinks Some Americans Don’t Work Hard Enough

Rand Paul is pretty sure if you're poorer than others it's because you don't work hard enough.

Pat Robertson: Not Separating Toys By Gender ‘Puts God’s Bullseye’ On Target’s Stores

Will God smite Target as Pat Robertson predicts for daring to challenge the notion of boys not playing with dolls or girls with G.I. Joes?

Nearly 30,000 People Show Up To Hear Man They Can’t Help Win Election

Almost 30,000 showed up to hear Bernie Sanders speaks recently, too bad none of those people will have a way to show their support for him next November.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #419

Obama's gun confiscation reaches soaring new heights!

Stoned GOP Voter Wants Fiscal Responsibility, Supports Trump

One Republican voter explains his support for Donald Trump.

Attention-Starved Lindsey Graham Agrees to Tattoo Ronald Reagan on His Butt

Sen. Lyndsey Graham really wants to make a splash with his campaign.