Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Christ To Pat Robertson: ‘No, The Stock Drop Was Punishment For Listening to False Prophets’

Pat Robertson told viewers of his show that the stock market tumbling was God's wrath in action, God's son disagrees.

Jesus Christ: ‘Hey Republicans I Love ALL The Children of the World, Remember?’

Jesus Christ weighs in on "anchor babies" and immigration reform.

Scott Walker Is Very Confused About ‘Everything’

From birthright citizenship to climate change to Obama's love of America, Scott Walker is very confused.

Republican Religious Zealot Not Sure How to Feel About ‘Anchor Fetuses’

One women in Oklahoma struggles with how to square her religious furor over abortion with her xenophobia.

Bobby Jindal Proposes ‘Separate But Equal’ Birthright Citizenship

"In the proposal, Governor Jindal makes it very clear that these new citizens would only get access to six of the ten amendments in the Bill of Rights."

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #421

Is the Obama gun confiscation tour coming to your small town? Are jackbooted thugs coming for YOUR favorite boomstick?

Desperate Ted Cruz Proposes Catapulting “Anchor Babies” Back to Mexico

Ted Cruz thinks a catapult is all the immigration reform we need.

Walker, Bush, Trump Propose Leaving Only Second Amendment in the Constitution

Donald Trump intimated the 14th amendment be changed, and now his two closest rivals are trying to out-do him.

Humankind Considers Ending Republicans’ Birthright Membership to the Species

"The bottom line, is that until Republicans get back to their roots as the Party of Lincoln, we're not going to automatically assume a Republican is human."