Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Scott Walker ‘Not Even Sure Obama is Human’

Is there anything about Obama that Scott Walker is "sure" of?

Rudy Giuliani: ‘I’m Not a Racist. I’m a Pandering Asshole’

Rudy Giuliani says he he didn't make racist comments; he was just pandering to other, IRL-racists.

WalMart Announces Bump in Wages from ‘Sub-Sub-Poverty’ to ‘Plain Old Sub-Poverty’

Wal-Mart has decided to crow about raising their workers' average salaries from sub-sub-poverty rates to just regular sub-poverty.

ELECTION 2016: ISIS Executioner Endorses Dr. Ben Carson

Dr. Ben Carson loves him some war crimes. Which means he's ISIS' ideal presidential candidate.

Texas Judge Wants to Retroactively Block Emancipation Proclamation

Judge Andrew Hanen not only blocked Obama's immigration executive actions, he thinks he can retroactively block the Emancipation Proclamation.

Jeb Bush Has No Comment About the Stinking, Flaming Dog Shit on His Doorstep

Jeb Bush doesn't want to discuss anything in the past, no matter how glaring, terrible and stinky.

Man With Extensive Hat Collection Who Chose Life Without Kids Shames Others for Not Having Kids

Pope Frank says not having kids is a selfish choice. He'd know. He has no kids.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: ‘You’d Have to be On Something to Spend 8 Hours a Day With Those Assholes Too’

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg recently admitted to being not fully sober at the 2015 State of the Union, but is that the only time the venerable justice has hit the sauce on the job?