Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

‘Old Testament’ Oregon Judge Refuses to Marry Couples Who Have Eaten Pork, Shellfish

Judge Vance D. Day in Oregon has been refusing to marry same-sex couples; one of his colleagues has a response.

President Lindsey Graham Would Build a Wall Around a Wall Around a Wall

If Lindsey Graham, what kind of wall would he put up to keep the Mexicans and other foreign people out? A Triple Wall, of course.

Cruz and Paul Defend Kim Davis, Because They’re ‘A-Holes Extraordinaire’

Rand Paul and Ted Cruz both think Kim Davis should be allowed to discriminate based on her own religious views, because they're not bigoted at all.

Religious Zealot Explains Why She Believes Clearly Doctored Videos About Planned Parenthood

One woman explains why forensic evidence debunking the Planned Parenthood videos doesn't mean "two crusted rat craps" to her.

America’s Greatest Chicken Hawk Still Totally Proud of Illegal, Pointless War

Dick Cheney gives zero effs about what your opinion on the Iraq War.

Libertarian Chooses Living at Home Over Minimum Wage Job

One young libertarian explains why he's not a hypocritical neophyte dummy.

Other 49 States Considering Letting Texas Secede

Governmental representatives from 49 states met to discuss whether they care about Texas secession.

9 Questions Sarah Palin Forgot To Ask Donald Trump

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump sat down for an interview, but these are 9 questions Palin forgot to ask The Donald.

Jesus Christ Fires Kim Davis From Christianity

Kim Davis, the defiant Kentucky clerk, just got a pink slip from her lord and savior.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #344

Obama's Gun Confiscation marches America further toward Socialist-Sharia-Communism!