Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Victorian Age Dildo Offers to Sub-In for Scott Walker as Governor

Scott Walker could get some relief from an unexpected party.

Inanimate Rock Challenges Scott Walker to Debate on Foreign Policy

One rock feels he could clean Scott Walker's clock in a debate about foreign policy.

Wild-Eyed Socialist Proposes Crazy Idea to Conservative College Crowd: Compromise

Some crazy guy visited a hardcore conservative Bible college and had the balls to suggest Americans should set aside their differences and work together.

Tea Partier: Sane, Compassionate Exit Speech Proves Rick Perry Unfit for Presidency

One Tea Party Republican explains why Rick Perry was just too darned nice to be president.

Trump to Offer Sarah Palin Secretary of ‘Educationizing’ Cabinet Position

Donald Trump may just have a special place in his administration for a certain half-term Alaskan governor.

House Republicans Admit to Smoking ‘Just Enough’ Crack Before Planned Parenthood Hearing

House Republicans needed to get in the "right frame of mind" to watch the highly edited Planned Parenthood sting videos.

Depressed Dick Cheney Pines For Another National Tragedy To Exploit

Dick Cheney gets sad on the anniversary of 9/11, but maybe not like the rest of us do.

Pope Francis Shows Liberal Side By Saying Women Can Be Forgiven For Making Their Own Decisions

Pope Francis says women who take control of their own bodies can be forgiven for that for that now.

Gay, Atheist Cop Cites Victims’ Religious Beliefs And Doesn’t Stop Vandalism at Baptist Church Picnic

Kim Davis' stand in Kentucky has inspired an equal and opposite reaction from a public servant in Arkansas.