Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Dick Cheney: ‘I Criticize Obama Out of Total Hypocrisy, Not Racism!’

Former Vice-President Dick Cheney wants the world to know he's just a hypocrite, not a racist.

Country That Spent $6T Killing People Sad It Wasted $125B Trying to Help People

Nothing irks some Americans more than government government waste. Spending $6T to kill people is fine, but accidentally spending less than 5% of that is not cool.

McConnell: Legislating Vaginae Takes Precedence Over Ending Slavery

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has vowed to stall Loretta Lynch's confirmation as Attorney General over Democrats' hardline stance on anti-abortion language in another bill.

House GOP Gives New ‘Scandal’ Official Title: Hillmailghazigate

Hillary Clinton's emails will now be the subject of an official Republican-branded scandal investigation.

Rudy Giuliani Says Darth Vader Should Be Commended for Hunting Down, Murdering Jedi

Rudy Giuliani believes in the rule of law so much he doesn't care if officers break it.

Authorities Considering Charges Against Darren Wilson for Killing Ferguson PD’s Racket

Ferguson PD wants to file charges against former Officer Darren Wilson for "killing" their racket.

House Republicans To Sneak Giving Obama ‘Brown Musket’ Into Jobs Bill

Will House Republicans get language inserted in a jobs bill allowing them to blow dirty wind in Obama's face whenever they want?

NSA Employee Laughs His Balls Off at Hillary Clinton Email ‘Scandal’

One NSA employee tells The Chute why he doesn't consider the Hillary Clinton email scandal a real scandal.

GOP Senators Want to Frack Dwarf Planet Ceres Now That NASA Has Orbited It

NASA has orbited a dwarf planet, which means two Republicans are ready to claim the planet for America and to plunder it for whatever resources it holds.

Senate Republicans Vow to ‘Punch Iran in the Dick’ Once Obama Leaves Office

Republicans in the Senate not only want to sabotage the U.S.-Iran nuclear negotiations, they want to punch Iran in the dick after Obama leaves.