Totally Bulls*it News

Can I File an Extension If I’m Not Ready to Control My Wife By January 20th?

I don't really want to go to jail because I couldn't figure out how to wrangle my wife's genitals into their holding pen before...

Bobby Jindal Proposes ‘Separate But Equal’ Birthright Citizenship

"In the proposal, Governor Jindal makes it very clear that these new citizens would only get access to six of the ten amendments in the Bill of Rights."

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #421

Is the Obama gun confiscation tour coming to your small town? Are jackbooted thugs coming for YOUR favorite boomstick?

Desperate Ted Cruz Proposes Catapulting “Anchor Babies” Back to Mexico

Ted Cruz thinks a catapult is all the immigration reform we need.

Walker, Bush, Trump Propose Leaving Only Second Amendment in the Constitution

Donald Trump intimated the 14th amendment be changed, and now his two closest rivals are trying to out-do him.

Humankind Considers Ending Republicans’ Birthright Membership to the Species

"The bottom line, is that until Republicans get back to their roots as the Party of Lincoln, we're not going to automatically assume a Republican is human."

Jesus Christ: “I Said ‘Turn The Other Cheek,’ Not ‘Turn The Other Chamber’!”

Jesus Christ sounds off on the new gun range added to an Alabama church.

Alabama Church to Open Nuclear Test Range Next to Sunday School Buildings

Once Rocky Mount Methodist Church put up a gun range, it wasn't going to be long before other churches tried to one-up them.

Scott Walker Wants to Replace Statue of Liberty Torch With Upraised Middle Finger

Walker will tell supporters that "imaginary, invisible lines in land masses" need to be protected in order to "guarantee that American exceptionocitization continues far into the future."

Marco Rubio Says He’ll Appoint ‘Vagina Czar’ To Enforce Abortion Ban

"It's just that I believe in making government so small, we can fit it in your vagina."