Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Religious Zealot Explains Why She Believes Clearly Doctored Videos About Planned Parenthood

One woman explains why forensic evidence debunking the Planned Parenthood videos doesn't mean "two crusted rat craps" to her.

America’s Greatest Chicken Hawk Still Totally Proud of Illegal, Pointless War

Dick Cheney gives zero effs about what your opinion on the Iraq War.

Libertarian Chooses Living at Home Over Minimum Wage Job

One young libertarian explains why he's not a hypocritical neophyte dummy.

Other 49 States Considering Letting Texas Secede

Governmental representatives from 49 states met to discuss whether they care about Texas secession.

9 Questions Sarah Palin Forgot To Ask Donald Trump

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump sat down for an interview, but these are 9 questions Palin forgot to ask The Donald.

Jesus Christ Fires Kim Davis From Christianity

Kim Davis, the defiant Kentucky clerk, just got a pink slip from her lord and savior.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #344

Obama's Gun Confiscation marches America further toward Socialist-Sharia-Communism!

Koch Brothers Hastily Trying to Stuff Deflated Scott Walker With Hundred Dollar Bills

Scott Walker is fading in the polls, and literally losing hot air daily, so the Koch brothers have a plan for that.