Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Agrabah Preemptively Strikes Pearl Harbor

After nearly 50% of poll respondents said they'd support a U.S. bombing campaign there, Agrabah launches its own assault on America.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #358

A running tally of Obama's gun confiscation.

Wayne LaPierre Leaves His Wife for His Trusty Rifle

Wayne LaPierre is moving on after years of marriage.

Ben Carson’s Reaction to “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”: Where’s Spock and the TARDIS?

Ben Carson liked the new "Star Wars" film, but felt it was missing a couple key characters.

Sleepy-Eyed Ben Carson Shows Up Two Days Late for CNN Debate

You might have thought you saw Ben Carson at the CNN debate, but your eyes may have been fooling you.

Donald Trump Unveils Plans “Camp Trump” for Muslim Americans

Donald Trump wants to build a "special" camp for Muslim Americans.

Daesh Thanks Republican Party For the Free Propaganda During CNN Debate

After the CNN Debate, Daesh released a statement thanking the GOP for the free airtime.

Syrian Child Hopes U.S. Carpet Bombs Match His Drapes

One Syrian child hopes the U.S. delivers nice carpet if they start bombing within his home country.

Muslim Colorado Springs Resident Proposes Monitoring Christian Churches

One Muslim man in Colorado wants to start monitoring Christian churches if conservatives are going to start monitoring Mosques.

Marco Rubio: I Would Bomb More Children Than Cruz

Marco Rubio tells a rally crowd he'd bomb way more kids than Ted Cruz.