Marco Rubio: I Would Bomb More Children Than Cruz

Published on

HAMPTON, IOWA — Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) was considered a possible winner in CNN’s Republican primary debate held in Las Vegas, Nevada this week. Senator Rubio hit the campaign trail hard in the hours after the debate, and in Iowa he revisited a theme from the debate, and made sure to distance himself from Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) further, continuing a feud that erupted on the debate stage.

“There is no doubt in my mind that Senator Cruz would authorize a bombing campaign even if it meant a few children would be killed,” Rubio said, “but I would authorize bombing even more children than him.” Rubio told supporters he didn’t “care if ten thousand innocent children were killed in the pursuit of a dozen or less terrorist operatives” because “those children will have died wrapped in the warmth of the American flag” and “surely that will comfort their mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers.”

Senator Rubio said that fears of a prolonged war effort that would surely result in civilian casualties were just “the things that liberals make up” and that “sometimes you have to risk making more enemies to kill the enemies you already made in order to make room for new enemies you’ll have to start a new war to defeat.” This never ending cycle of war, Rubio says, “is the only logical way to achieve world peace.”

“Everyone knows we can only stop gun violence with more guns,” Rubio told the rally attendees, “but the same rule applies to war. You stop war by making war. Just like you dry up flood damage with more water, and put out a raging house fire with a flamethrower.” Senator Rubio said he believes “with all [his] heart]” that more American intervention in the Middle East, not less, is what will bring the most stability to the region, and in turn the world. “Because everyone knows the definition of doing things correctly is doing them over and over again and expecting different results,” Rubio said.

Rubio told the crowd he “had no doubts Ted would bomb children,” but questioned whether he “had the bizzalls to make it rain” bombs like he does. “I’m so pro-America I’d bomb California if it meant stopping ISIS in its tracks, no matter how many dead Californian children I’d have to bury afterward,” Senator Rubio said somberly. He said that “if someone isn’t prepared to kill thousands of children with collateral damage in an ill-advised war effort” they aren’t “prepared to be the commander of my dick, much less commander in chief.”

Reached for comment, Ted Cruz told reporters, “Marco is using tried and true, Alinksy-like tactics and it makes me wonder if he’s not working in cahoots with Hillary Benghazi Clinton and Barack Sharia Obama.” Cruz further said that “Rubio can’t even understand how many” children he’d “carpet bomb the heck out of, in the name of liberty, peace and freedom.”

“I’ll straight-up strap a Syrian kid to a bomb, and drop that bomb on more Syrian kids,” Cruz said, “because unlike the Jihadis, I’m not some unhinged, religious sycophant who thinks he can talk to God and be given permission to commit horrible atrocities in His name, I’m an¬†unhinged, religious sycophant who thinks he can talk to God and be given permission to commit horrible atrocities in the name of the United States of America!”

With just a couple weeks until primary voters start casting ballots in Iowa, Cruz leads polling in that state, but Rubio is considered by many to be a legitimate contender for his party’s nomination next year.

Latest articles

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

" wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...