Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

After Palin Endorses Trump, Cruz Looks For His Own Moron Endorsement

Sarah Palin's endorsement of Donald Trump is a major setback for Sen. Ted Cruz's presidential aspirations.

Local Republican Terrified He’ll Have to Blame Everything on Someone Other Than Obama After This Year

When President Obama leaves office next year, there will be a great many people like this man with lots of time on their hands.

Bernie Sanders Zealot and Hillary Clinton Acolyte Argue Over Who is More Annoying to Average Voters

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton -- whose die-hard sycophants and annoy more average voters?

Oregon Militia Squatter Awarded Silver Cross For Beer Run

Another award for bravery has been given to a member of the Oregon Militia.

Eric Bolling Calls for Government Operations Committee to Investigate Sesame Street

Eric Bolling wants that commie bastion "Sesame Street" investigated.

Ted Cruz: I’m Running to be President of the Republican States of America

Ted Cruz explains his Texas values mean he doesn't give a crap about people he doesn't agree with.

Ted Cruz to Struggling Middle Class Americans: Just Get a Million Bucks from Goldman Sachs!

Ted Cruz and Goldman Sachs made a deal that Cruz thinks could help lift every American out of financial ruin.

God Issues Statement of Apology Over Bowie, Rickman Deaths

After Alan Rickman became the second 69-year-old master artist to die from cancer in a week, Larry "God" Schumway released a statement of apology.

Ted Cruz Challenges Donald Trump To No Holds Barred ‘Battle of the A-Holes’

Who's the bigger a-hole -- Ted Cruz or Donald Trump? Cruz wants to find out.