Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Just Ordered Epstein Island Relocated to Gulf of America

"...we can just hook up a couple bungee cords to the island, then tie those to one of our, you know, big ship thingies...

Ted Cruz to Struggling Middle Class Americans: Just Get a Million Bucks from Goldman Sachs!

Ted Cruz and Goldman Sachs made a deal that Cruz thinks could help lift every American out of financial ruin.

God Issues Statement of Apology Over Bowie, Rickman Deaths

After Alan Rickman became the second 69-year-old master artist to die from cancer in a week, Larry "God" Schumway released a statement of apology.

Ted Cruz Challenges Donald Trump To No Holds Barred ‘Battle of the A-Holes’

Who's the bigger a-hole -- Ted Cruz or Donald Trump? Cruz wants to find out.

5 Other Things Republicans Would Not Have Applauded or Stood For During the SOTU

Republicans hated the State of the Union speech with all its talk of not being treating people like crap and whatnot.

Facebook Libertarian: Obama’s SOTU Divided Us All By Bringing Up Things I Personally Don’t Like

Did you know Obama's SOTU was very divisive because he spoke about things that the majority of Americans want fixed?

Trey Gowdy: Open Mindedness and Tolerance Don’t Deserve a Standing Ovation

Trey Gowdy hated Obama's last State of the Union because the president dared to imply we shouldn't be a country of racists.

Paul Ryan Says He Practiced ‘Smug, Punchable’ Face for Weeks Before SOTU

Speaker Paul Ryan reportedly practiced his SOTU facial expressions or weeks.

Nation Prepares to ‘Give a F**k’ About New New Hampshirite Political Opinions

The New Hampshire primaries are in full-swing, which means the nation is pretending to care about the Granite State.

The 3 Biggest Surprise Guests at Obama’s Last State of the Union

Obama's last State of the Union is sure to be historical, and some of the invited guests show just how important an event it is.