Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Nation Tries to Muster All Its “Give a Fuck” About Dead Oregon Militia Squatter

Oregon Militia Squatter LaVoy Finicum is dead. But does anyone care?

Daesh Spokesman: We Will Hire Megyn Kelly If Donald Trump Wins Election

Daesh thinks they may have found Donald Trump's mortal weakness -- Megyn Kelly.

Trump Bails On Next GOP Debate So He Can Miss Megyn Kelly’s ‘Ragtime Blues’

Donald Trump has a biological reason for skipping the next Fox News Republican debate.

Gun Nut: I Had No Idea Naval Bases Were Gun Free Zones!

One libertarian's confused reaction to the NMCSD shooting.

“Life on Easy Street” by Poorsy McGee

According to a new poll, conservatives think the poor "have it easy." As our guest columnist, Poorsy McGee writes, maybe they're correct!

Rand Paul in Iowa, Desperately Flailing Arms at Cameras Covering Donald Trump

Rand Paul is getting desperate; very desperate actually.

Carly Fiorina Tweets ‘Oops, J/K, LOL!’ After Planned Parenthood Sting Video Producers’ Indictment

From her twitter account, Carly Fiorina sends message of apology for pushing the Planned Parenthood sting videos so hard.

Scientists Announce New Global Phenomenon: “La Clima Chante”

La Clima Chante could mean quite a climate change for some, warn scientists.

Carly Fiorina: Don’t Have an Abortion Because I Need More Political Props

Carly Fiorina says she loves children so much she needs to treat them like cheap props to show her commitment to them.

Terrified Reince Priebus Finally Realizes No GOP Candidate is as Electable as Mitt Romney

Sources say Reince Priebus is finally realizing his entire candidate pool makes his party look terrible, but what can be done about it now?