Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Sad Libertarian to Investigate Why Candidate No One Voted For is Dropping Out of Race

Rand Paul is quitting and that has this libertarian very upset, and believing in a conspiracy against him.

Leaked Memo Shows Obama’s Plan to ‘Take All the Guns With’ Him in 2017

An explosive new memo shows how Obama plans to get all your guns.

Martin O’Malley Temporarily Drowned-Out By Sound of Pin Drop at Pull-Out Presser

When Martin O'Malley quit the presidential race, a pin fell and his audience momentarily could not hear him speaking.

Huckabee, O’Malley Now Move to Sudden Death Penalty Kicks

Before they drop out, Martin O'Malley and Mike Huckabee must compete in a sudden death penalty kick round.

DNC Agrees to ‘Make Hillary Look Good’ on TV More

The DNC has agreed to help HIllary Clinton look good on TV a few more times.

Obama: My First Act as Supreme Court Justice – Make Myself Sharia King

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week current Democratic front runner Hillary Rodham...

Sources: Ted Cruz ‘Such a Douche’ He Doesn’t Like The Beatles

Can even Ted Cruz be such a douche as to not like the greatest band of all time?

Gun Enthusiast ‘Pissed’ He Has to Sell Guns Out of His Trunk and Not Facebook Now

Facebook has banned private gun sales on their website, and this man is pissed.

Carly Fiorina: I Want to Taste Hillary’s Pussy

Carly Fiorina is clearly into Hillary Clinton, or she wouldn't talk about her all the time for no reason.