Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

As President, Ted Cruz Would Stop Cutting Crusts of GI’s PB&J’s

Ted Cruz doesn't want soldiers eating gluten-free meals, and he wants their sandwiches to keep their crusts.

Obama Releases Shortlist of Scalia Replacements: All Muslim Americans

Obama releases a trial balloon list of Scalia replacements.

Obama Offers Republicans To Get Hillary Clinton Out Of The Election By Nominating Her For Scalia’s Seat

President Obama offers an interesting deal to Republicans for Scalia's seat.

Obama to Resign Presidency to Biden Who Will Nominate Him to Supreme Court

A newly leaked Obama memo may exposed a new conspiracy that right-wingers need to be aware of.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #367

Will your peace-keeping love shooter get swept up in Obama's Gun Confiscation?

Donald Trump, Ted Cruz Agree U.S. Should Get ‘Dibs’ on Gravitational Waves

Two Republican candidates agree on which country should control the newly discovered gravitational waves.

Donald Trump Offers to ‘Loan Ivanka’ to Ted Cruz for His Next Campaign Video

Ted Cruz decided to pull a commercial with a former softcore porn star, but Trump could ride to his rescue.

As Their Candidate Field Narrows, GOP Worries ‘Not Enough A-Holes Left to Choose From’

Does the GOP have enough a-hole candidates left in the race?