Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Rubio Robot Engineers Program ‘Horrible Thoughts on Rape’ Into His Cerebral Matrix

Marco Rubio's rhetorical programming gets a fundie-approved update.

Marco Rubio Accidentally Conjures Beetlejuice

Senator Marco Rubio accidentally brought a menace of a ghost to the realm of the living.

Engineers Frantically Adding Five New Talking Points to Marco Rubio’s Programming

Engineers work to cram Marco Rubio's brain full of more talking points.

Local Pro-Lifer ‘Loves’ Ted Cruz’s Carpet Bombing Foreign Policy

A pro-life Republican explains why Ted Cruz's foreign policy works for him.

Obama’s Communist Economic Assault Lowers Unemployment Below 5%

Republicans are sure something is afoul because the unemployment rate is the lowest it's been since nearly a year before Obama took office.

Town Republican Confused by Lack of Phobias in Democratic Debate

One Republican's confused reaction to the last Democratic debate.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #366

Will Obama's Gun Confiscation claim your God-given hand cannon?

Islamic American: Marco Rubio Divides Us By Being a Radical Christian

Marco Rubio says Obama divided the country by visiting a mosque, but this Islamic American says it's Rubio that's dividing us.

Trump: Cruz Stole Iowa ‘You Know, Like Mexicans Do’

Donald Trump said Ted Cruz stole Iowa from him because Cruz is a Mexican, which is wrong, but...

Old Lady Politely Refuses Jeb Bush’s Help Across the Street

No one wants or needs Jeb Bush's help these days.