Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Historians Unearth Benedict Arnold’s PowerPoint Presentation

As it turns out, America's most infamous traitors perhaps might have...

Will Republican Interns Still Be Able to Get Abortions After the Supreme Court Overturns Roe?

This morning, the Supreme Court told abortion providers in Texas they...

Man Can’t Find Clitoris or Woman to Debate Gender Wage Gap With Him

CELIBATE HILLS, NEW JERSEY -- 28 year old Matthew J. Palumbo...

Trump Supporter: His Cousin Convinced Him to Get Vaccinated By Withholding Sex

FT. IVERMECTIN, KENTUCKY -- For months, the Biden administration has grappled...

Listerine Contradicts Ron Johnson, Says It’s Intended for Recovering Alcoholics Sneaking Booze

Mouthwash maker Listerine is not useful in fighting COVID-19, the company...

Hillary Says She Can Coach Meadows and Bannon Through Their Fear of Giving Congressional Testimony

Former Secretary of State, Senator, and First Lady Hillary Clinton offered...

Jesus Christ Doesn’t ‘Have Any Fucks to Give’ About the Fox News Christmas Tree

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This week, Conservative America has been...

Trump Has a Title for His Presidential Memoir and Coloring Book

It took him over a year since he lost the election,...

Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney,...