Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Woman Who Was in Elementary School in the 60’s: Bernie Sanders’ Civil Rights Arrest ‘No Big Deal’

One Hillary supporter thinks Bernie Sanders being arrested as part of a civil rights protest is a big "whatever."

Reince Priebus Interviewing Primates to Fornicate With Footballs In Lieu of More Primary Debates

GOP chairman Reince Priebus has a new idea to distract voters from how terrible his party has become.

Republican Voter ‘Majorly Turned Off’ by Lack of Genital Talk, Booger Eating in Dem Debate

One Republican voter tells us why the lack of genital talk in the Dem Debate made it a total borefest.

Ignorant Voter Chides Jewish Man For Using Word Coined to Describe Poor Jewish Neighborhoods

The word ghetto was coined to describe Jewish neighborhoods in squalor; but not everyone knows that, obviously.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #370

A count of Obama's Gun Confiscation to date.

POLL: Majority Relieved to Find Out Future President’s Dong is Okay

Donald Trump thankfully cleared up any misconceptions about his penis in the last GOP debate.

Mitt Romney Volunteers to Replace Trump and ‘Lose One for the Team’

Can Mitt Romney stop Donald Trump and lose the election instead?

Republican Explains Why His Taxes Rising 2% Under Sanders is Worth a Trump Apocalypse

One Trump supporter explains why he can't afford two more cents per dollar.