Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Spike In U.S. Searches for “Canadian National Anthem” Forces Google to Add More Servers

Donald Trump's candidacy is having a ripple effect everywhere.

Ted Cruz Would Sign Executive Order Retroactively Deporting All Immigrant Families Ever

Ted Cruz wants every trace of immigrants wiped from the continent.

Mitt Romney: ‘I Know a Lot About Losing Elections, and Marco Rubio’s Got It!’

Marco Rubio gets a key endorsement from his party's last, most-successful loser.

Barbara Bush Takes Jeb Out for Ice Cream to Cheer Him Up, Scolds Him for ‘Not Listening’ to Her

Barbara and Jeb Bush go out for ice cream to soothe the wounds of a failed presidential campaign.

Justice Clarence Thomas Tries to Throw Himself into Scalia’s Casket

Clarence Thomas tries to go meet Antonin Scalia's maker with him.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #368

Obama's gun confiscation marches on, and you have to wonder if your Freedom Cannon is next!

Oregon Militia Squatter Awarded Iron Shovel for Burying His Platoon’s Feces

The last, free member of the Oregon militia is given a medal for a doing a most dirty deed.

As President, Ted Cruz Would Stop Cutting Crusts of GI’s PB&J’s

Ted Cruz doesn't want soldiers eating gluten-free meals, and he wants their sandwiches to keep their crusts.

Obama Releases Shortlist of Scalia Replacements: All Muslim Americans

Obama releases a trial balloon list of Scalia replacements.

Obama Offers Republicans To Get Hillary Clinton Out Of The Election By Nominating Her For Scalia’s Seat

President Obama offers an interesting deal to Republicans for Scalia's seat.