Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Man Invents Device to Translate Farts and Donald Trump Speeches

If you have a hard time understanding Donald Trump, one man has a solution for you.

Clinton Hopes to Emotionally Blackmail Trump Into Changing His Tone Too

Hillary Clinton has a unique idea for curbing Donald Trump's tone.

Republican ‘Bummed Out’ His IQ Not Low Enough to Vote for Donald Trump

This Republican really wishes he was dumb enough to vote for Donald Trump.

North Carolina Catholic Republican Wants Religious Freedom to Perform Inquisitions

One North Carolina man wants his religious freedoms extended even further.

Republican Voter Wants Thermonuclear Devices Okayed for GOP Convention

One Republican doesn't think guns at the GOP Convention is enough.

Obama Gives Sanders and Clinton Personal Tour of Confiscated Gun Warehouse

President Obama gave Clinton and Sanders a personal tour of an important government facility.

Bird Lands on Trump Podium, Donald Gleefully Smashes It With His Shoe

Donald Trump had an unexpected interruption at a recent rally, and handled it as only he could.

Muslim Cop Patrols Ted Cruz’s Neighborhood for Douchebags, Finds One Named Ted Cruz

While patrolling Ted Cruz's neighborhood, this Muslim cop finds something horrible.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #373

Another week, another tally of Obama's Gun Confiscation's stolen freedoms.