Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Bill Clinton’s MasterClass Will Teach “Fingering the Right Person for the Job”

Last month, online adult education provider Masterclass announced that it had...

Twitter: MTG Is Allowed One Account Per IQ Point

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Last week, Twitter made headlines when...

Madison Cawthorn Grows Spine, Walks Out on Wife

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Claiming irreconcilable differences, North Carolina Congressman Madison Cawthorn, after...

Manchin: “West Virginia Kids Told Me They Want to Breathe Dirty Air in a Broke, Disgusting State”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Despite polling data that shows voters in his...

Pro-Life Republican Can’t Wait to Get His Picture Taken With Double Murderer

SHITDICK FLATS, ILLINOIS -- 42 year old non-union, out of work...

Brave, Maskless Patriot Would Rather Be Arrested Than Leave McDonald’s Without His McNuggets

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- At the time of publication, right-wing...

Judge: Trump Must Give Congress All His McDonald’s Receipts From January 6th, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Don Trump just keeps getting bad...

Melania Trump’s Husband Only Interested in Ivanka’s NFT

Today, former Third First Lady Melania Trump announced that she was...

Can Getting Hair Plugs Also Cure Your Rich Cuntitis?

One thing is clear about them -- hair plugs will make...