Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Melania Trump Tells Press She Was Born A Poor Black Child

Melania Trump's mysterious background exposed!

Donald Trump Promises To ‘Get Obama Outta’ The White House If Elected

Donald Trump makes a yooge promise to his supporters.

REPORT: First Day Of GOP Convention Depletes Their Shit Show’s Manure Supply For The Week

"Every time someone on stage mentions Benghazi, it takes a huge chunk out of our supply."

Confused Evangelical Christian Takes Newt Gingrich’s Sharia Test And Fails

"I took Newt's proposed Sharia Law test, and the dang thing said I'm a believer in Sharia Law."

Woman Has ‘No Fucking Clue Who This Scott Mayo Guy’ Speaking At The RNC Is

"Who the hell cares what D-List celebrities say about D-List reality-TV stars trying to become president?"

City of Cleveland Reports Dumpster Shortage While Republican Convention Is In town

"All the dumpsters in the world could not contain the cavalcade of confounding conservative craziness and chicanery."

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #388

Did Obama's Gun Confiscation ensnare YOUR freedom cannon this week?