Totally Bulls*it News

Oh Cool, I’m Blogging About Politics Again. Can Anyone Remember Why?

A long time ago, in a country that feels a million miles away now, I started this stupid little website because as I was...

Paul Ryan Offers To Pay For More Benghazi Hearings By Cutting Social Security

"Will some seniors die if they don't have access to medicine and food? Sure. But I can't help but shrug a little bit."

Roger Ailes Denies Gretchen Carlson’s Allegations Because He Knows ‘No One Would Fuck Me’

Ailes said when "someone looks at or listens to" him, it 's "readily apparent that [he is] as desirable a lover as a bucket of vomit covered in AIDS blood."

President Obama Says He Fears ‘Becoming A Lame Duck Gun Grabber’

"It's the July of my final year in office and I haven't confiscated a single gun yet."

Alabama Police Union Suggests Cutting Judges, Juries, Executioners From Budget

"Cops are showing they could be quite good at being judges, juries, and even executioners."

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #387

Did Obama's Gun Confiscation snatch up your freedom cannon this week?

Wayne LaPierre Too Busy Scrubbing Blood Off His Hands To Equivocate About Gun Violence

"We have a strict policy at the NRA of only defending white people's gun rights."

All Of Humanity Lines Up To Give George W. Bush 70th Birthday Face Punches

"I never wanted to punch a 70 year old before, but then George W. Bush turned 70."

BREAKING: Multiple Explosions In U.S. Observed After FBI Recommends No Charges For Clinton

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Department of Homeland Security is confirming at...

Donald Trump Says As President He’d Annex Jupiter

"If that doesn't work out, we just take NASA into Chapter 11."

Native American Man Spends July 4th Telling Americans To ‘Go Back’ Where They Came From

"An entire country of Mississippians. I don't want that, you don't want that."