Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

We Interviewed The American Flag And Got Its Feelings On Colin Kaepernick

Does the American Flag feel dissed by Colin Kaepernick?

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #395

Did the Decider in Chief's gun confiscation lock up your liberty lobber?

A Sneak Peak At Trump’s “Ideological Certification” Test

A quick preview of Trump's "Ideological Certification" tests.

President Trump Wants All Undocumented People Be Issued Sombrero Patches

Trump has a new immigration proposal for his supporters to hang their hats on.

Trump Asks Mexican President For Tour Of Rape, Drug Dealing, Taco Bowl Training Facilities

Trump wanted to see the important stuff on his visit to Mexico.

SETI: Extraterrestrial Signal Is Warning To Earth: “Do Not Let Angry Primates Run The Zoo”

Has SETI cracked the code of a mysterious extraterrestrial signal?

Oregon Militia Squatter Explains Why Colin Kaepernick Hates America

A man who pointed guns at federal agents believes Colin Kaepernick hates 'Murica.