Totally Bulls*it News

Can I File an Extension If I’m Not Ready to Control My Wife By January 20th?

I don't really want to go to jail because I couldn't figure out how to wrangle my wife's genitals into their holding pen before...

Santa Disappoints Boy: “I Can’t Bring You Unicorns or Make Your Daddy President Again”

Santa Claus, while in New York recently doing some late Christmas...

Boebert Thinks Hillary Clinton Had the Fox News Christmas Tree Torched to Cover-Up Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressidiot Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) smells a rat,...

White House Tells Paul They’ll Send KY the Bootstraps He Wanted to Send After Hurricane Maria

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Soon, thousands of bootstraps will be delivered to...

Elon Musk Named TIME’s ‘Arrogant, Wealthy, Fuckface Dilettante Sociopath of the Year’

Today, TIME Magazine announced that billionaire Elon Musk would join a...

Historians Unearth Benedict Arnold’s PowerPoint Presentation

As it turns out, America's most infamous traitors perhaps might have...

Will Republican Interns Still Be Able to Get Abortions After the Supreme Court Overturns Roe?

This morning, the Supreme Court told abortion providers in Texas they...

Man Can’t Find Clitoris or Woman to Debate Gender Wage Gap With Him

CELIBATE HILLS, NEW JERSEY -- 28 year old Matthew J. Palumbo...

Trump Supporter: His Cousin Convinced Him to Get Vaccinated By Withholding Sex

FT. IVERMECTIN, KENTUCKY -- For months, the Biden administration has grappled...

Listerine Contradicts Ron Johnson, Says It’s Intended for Recovering Alcoholics Sneaking Booze

Mouthwash maker Listerine is not useful in fighting COVID-19, the company...

Hillary Says She Can Coach Meadows and Bannon Through Their Fear of Giving Congressional Testimony

Former Secretary of State, Senator, and First Lady Hillary Clinton offered...