Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

God To Pat Robertson: “Fuck Donald Trump And Also Fuck You, Pharisee Bitch!”

God has a special message for one of his employees, televangelist Pat Robertson. The message is...not so nice, really.

Trump Asks Asian American Reporter To Make Egg Rolls For Him

Sub-President Trump continues to make racially insensitive comments toward members of the press.

Betsy DeVos Proposes Changing Congressional Library To “Lieberry Of Congress”

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos will not just take a passive role in educating our children. She will seek reforms everywhere.

Local Man Wants Moderate Republicans To Apologize For Helping Elect An Orange Terrorist

If there are such things as the elusive moderate Republican around still, this Oregon man wants an apology from them for Trump.

Trump Invites Putin To Treat Mar-A-Lago As His “Winter Kremlin”

If Trump can treat Mar-A-Lago as his Winter White House, he's hoping his pal Vladdy Putin can use it as his Winter Kremlin.

Trump Policy Adviser Stephen Miller Says 7.2 Trillion Illegal Immigrants Voted Last Year

Senior Trump official Stephen Miller doubles down on his claims of rampant voter fraud in the election his boss won last year.

PolitiFact Says Trump Administration Pushing Their Needle To Near Breaking Point

The fact-checkers with PolitiFact are saying the Trump administration is putting them and their machinery in grave, immediate peril.

Walt Disney’s Frozen Head Yells At John Lassiter For Not Promoting PewDiePie

When Disney severed ties with YouTube star PewDiePie this week, its decapitated, cryogenically frozen founder was none too pleased.

Sean Spicer: “When I Said We’ve Been Hard On Russia I Meant To Say We’ve Got A Hard-On For Russia”

Acting White House Press Secretary Sean "P-Diddy" Spicer has to correct the record a little bit. But don't call him little.

Trump Orders Military To Award Purple Heart To Murdered KKK Grand Wizard

The body of KKK Grand Wizard Frank Ancona has been found, and Sub-President Trump would like to bestow a major honor on it.