Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

DeVos To Replace Sixth Grade Science Textbooks With The New Testament

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos will start rolling out new educational guidelines and standards, now that she has been confirmed.

Trump Says His Legal Team Is Ready To Appeal 9th Circuit Muslim Ban Decision On “Judge Judy”

Sub-President Donald J. Trump is ready to take the fight over his Muslim ban executive order all the way to the top court he knows of.

Trump Family To Start “White House Shopping Network” To Hock Wares From The Oval Office

Trump and company have a new idea to make even more money, leveraging the opportunity of a lifetime in the White House.

Trump, DeVos Unveil “Every Child Left Behind” Educational Reform Program

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos and Sub-President Donald Trump have announced new educational reforms they hope will improve America's schools.

Sub-President Trump Signs Executive Order Forcing McDonald’s To Give Him Extra McNugget Sauce For Free

Sub-President Trump really loves his nuggets, and he really loves his nugget sauce, and he thinks he should get all the sauce he wants for free.

Betsy DeVos Receives Lovely Congratulatory Edible Arrangement From The Taliban

Religious sycophants of all stripes just love that Betsy DeVos was able to buy her way into the highest levels of government.

National Association of Grizzly Bears Issues Statement on Betsy DeVos’ Confirmation

The country's largest grizzly bear advocacy group has issued a strong letter of condemnation to the U.S. Senate for confirming Betsy DeVos.

Betsy DeVos Orders Immediate Flattening Of All School Globes

Just moments after being confirmed as the new Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos orders all the globes in American schools flattened.

Sub-President Trump Proposes Cutting Social Security To Pay For Bowling Green Massacre Memorial

Sub-President Trump wants to honor the brave men and women who died serving their country during the Bowling Green Massacre.

Quebec Shooter Thanks Sub-President Trump For Bringing Attention To Terror Attacks Ignored By Mainstream Media

The Quebec shooter who killed six and injured more at a mosque thanks Sub-President Trump for his effort to publicize terror attacks.