Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ben Carson: Ending Slavery Was Wrong Because It Took Work Experience From Dark Skinned, Unpaid Interns

Was abolishing slavery the right thing to do morally, or a gross overreach and expression of truly libtarded libtardery? Ben Carson has ideas.

Mobile Deportation Detention Centers To Be Installed Behind Traveling Trump Circus

In two cities, Trump and his sons announce two different things that are connected by a hot topic in the White House: deportation.

White House: Trump Believes Breitbart Claims That Sky Is Orange With Green Polka Dots

President Trump gets his news from only the best, brightest, and most trustworthy of sources: Breitbart and Infowars. Both pillars of journalism.

Obama Offers To Trade Real Birth Certificate For Wire Tap Recordings

President Trump has been offered the material contained within Obama's wire tap but only if he hands over Obama's real birth certificate.

Sean Hannity Will Stop Defending Trump When He Finishes Sucking The President’s Dick

Fox News host and Donald acolyte Sean Hannity will stop defending the co-president as soon as he and Trump finish what they're doing at the moment.

Contents Of Obama’s Trump Wiretap Uncovered By White House Cleaning Staff

What could Obama have learned in a wiretap of Trump? We may have just found out, according to White House sources.

Jeff Sessions Hastily Stuffs Crate Of Russian Vodka And Fur Hats Into DOJ Utility Closet

A crate full of Russian goods was recently seen being jammed into a hallway closet within the Department of Justice by the new AG.

Trump Signs Executive Order Forbidding Anyone From Saying “Conflicts Of Interest” In His Presence

Co-President Trump has just come up with a very unique way to avoid any issues that might arise out of conflicts of interest.

Sessions Invokes Obscure Clause In Constitution That Says Perjury Only Applies To Democrats

According to a rarely referenced clause in the Constitution, Attorney General Jeff Sessions says he cannot be prosecuted for perjury.

Navy SEAL William “Ryan” Owens To Receive Purple Prop Award From President Trump

William "Ryan" Owens, fallen Navy SEAL from the botched Yemeni raid, will get a new honor from Co-President Trump this week.